The "Three-Fisted" title is, in all likelihood, the promotion's reliably playful reference to a 1950's comic called Two-Fisted Tales. That bonus appendage points not only to Chikara's determination to give the fan 50% more Fisticuffs for their dvd dollar, but to their refreshingly good-humored, ever-inventive approach to pro wrestling as an art form.
When it comes to creativity, Chikara's not about to tie its hands with little things like limb limitations. For starters, its roster is (thankfully) not entirely "human." Its characters include an assortment of Lucha-Loving Ants, not to mention a delightfully fiendish insect supervillain named UltraMantis Black.
And with the world of wrestling influences that find a home in Chikara matches (Mexican Lucha Libre, European Catch-As-Catch-Can Wrestling, Japanese Puroresu, and so on), grappling evolution may just dictate that The Chikara Wrestler sprout a spare hand, if only to keep up with all the holds.
Of course, as far as "Three-Fisted" theories go, there's a faction in Chikara quite literally called Team FIST. With three members, as a matter of fact. So there's always that theory.
But there's an ominous storyline connotation to the Three-Fisted title as well. The old Two-Fisted Tales comic specialized in War Stories. In that vein, there is indeed an epic conflict surfacing in Chikara. The November 22, 2009 Season Finale makes that clear, in pretty masterful fashion, as its card unfolds.
Previously At Chikara-- This is a nice prologue to the program itself. Through voice-over narration and clips, we're briefed on recent storylines. While the viewer's interest in past events is certainly piqued, one doesn't feel left out of the loop going in to Three-Fisted Tales.
Among the Top Stories: 1) The Colony (Champions) and The Osirian Portal (Challengers), Chikara's two dominant tag teams of 2009, are set to square off for the titles once more to close out the year.
2) A menacing man in a white mask has surfaced in Chikara, issuing taped threats when not appearing to interrupt UltraMantis Black's matches. He warns that "a war is coming."
3) Carpenter Ant (a recent addition to the Colony stable) won Chikara's annual Cibernetico Tournament with a submission move--The Inverted Chikara Special-- cinched on fellow Colon-ist Soldier Ant. It's a move Mike Quackenbush invented but never taught him. When Quackenbush confronts him about it, the strangely aggressive Carpenter Ant puts a finger in his chest and growls: "You'd be surprised at what I know."
4) Chikara's female juggernauts, Daizee Haze and Sara Del Ray, may have formed an uneasy alliance.
5) Eddie Kingston and Claudio Castagnoli, after trading wins earlier in the year, are set to face off in a "Respect" Match that will hopefully settle their feud.
Brodie Lee & The UnStable (Vin Gerard, STIGMA, & Colin Delaney) Defeat The Throwbacks (Dasher Hatfield & Sugar Dunkerton) & The Colony (Carpenter Ant & Green Ant): A very fun opener, highlighted by two surreal comedy sequences centering around Dunkerton (an ABA Recreationist who boasts a Dr. J-approved Afro), Twirly-Mustached Slugger Dasher, and Brodie Lee, a great Old School Big Man who's a bit of a gritty Throw Back in his own right.
In the first semi-sketch, Dunkerton briefly gains the advantage on Brodie, and calls for the rock. His teammates dutifully roll in a regulation red-white-and-blue Globe-Troller ball. He swoops into the corner for the jam (on a rim-to-be-built-later), only for Lee to swat it to the concrete outside the ring. He gives the crowd a Mutombo-esque finger wag as he tags out; the Washington Generals now have no choice but to offer Brodie a long-term contract.
Lee is indeed the difference maker in this match, as he Big Boots the "conspicuously inexperienced" Green Ant to pick up the win.
Helios Defeats Yujiro Kushida By Pinfall: Helios is The High-Flying Artist Formerly Known as Ricochet; Kushida is a highly-skilled HUSTLE alumnus. He's also the disciple of one Yoshihiro Tajiri, which he demonstrates with a handspring-back elbow and an attempted Tarantula (which Helios averts).
Kushida wears a black-belted Japanese Flag around his waist, which he tosses as a Foreign Object (terrible pun uinintended) over Helios's head, then lays in two Tajiri-caliber kicks. A Tug-of-Flag ensues between Yojiro and the referee; Helios counters with a Super Kick, scales the top turnbuckle, and hits an impressive 630 Senton Splash for the win.
A nice showcase for both wrestlers, with the Chikara regular going over. The name Helios refers to the Greek God of the Sun, and the wrestler himself indeed achieves some seemingly solar-powered simulations of flight here.
In a nice moment after the match, Kushida sees a fan holding a sign that reads "Keep the HUSTLE Alive." He acknowledges it, shaking the fan's hand and holding up the sign.
Backstage: Player Uno recounts his recent string of setbacks in Chikara. He finishes by asking, "what else do I have to lose?"
Player Uno Defeats Tim Donst By Submission: A mostly mat-based match, thanks largely to Donst's Collegiate Wrestler character, and Uno's slightly stocky frame. As with STIGMA, however, this doesn't preclude Uno from surprising displays of a deceptive agility, which he does here with a sudden leg lariat.
Still more surprising, Uno finishes the season with a win over Donst. He gets him to tap out to a wrist-lock finisher he calls "The Joystick", which one can only assume simulates the Carpal Tunnel Agony experienced after five straight hours of trying to keep Q-Bert from hopping off into oblivion. As he leaves, Uno exclaims: "I won! I never win!"
(A Quick Note About Chikara Rules: In what amounts to a brilliant booking device, Chikara tag teams are continually trying to rack up three consecutive victories--each one worth a "point." Three points earns your team a guaranteed title shot at the Campeonatos De Parejas (Tag Team Championships), while any one loss knocks your team down to a zero point total.)
Backstage: UltraMantis Black is exuberant. He heaps praise upon Delirious, for his Neo-Solar Temple contributions as well as recent exploits in Japan. Delirious replies thoughtfully, eloquently, entirely incomprehensibly.
Crossbones very helpfully points out that, should Manti-Lirious be unsuccessful in their match tonight, he and Mantis have two points of their own they can build on.
"Unnecessary and ridiculous!" Mantis hilariously counters, holding up a hand to dismiss. Crossbones has been demoted to guard duty pending further review. Black resumes his glowing assessment of Delirious...
Ultramantis Black & Delirious (w/Crossbones) Defeat Incoherence (Hallowicked & Frightmare) by Pinfall: A highly entertaining match featuring four very vivid Chikara characters. I admit I'm a shameless mark for a match featuring four spooky masked wrestlers; it helps that they're all frighteningly talented to boot.
The stakes here are also frighteningly high: Both Incoherence and The Temple both have two points going into this match; the winners will have their free pass to a title match in 2010.
Having teamed with both Delirious and UltraMantis in the past, Hallowicked's history with his Temple opponents is almost hysterically intricate (though not quite "Incoherent"). One of Chikara's most imposing and dominant luchadors, he finds himself more torn than his own ring attire as he reckons with layer upon layer of masked dysfunction here. He's predominantly distracted by attempts to deprogram Delirious, who's just recently been bent to the will of UltraMantis Black.
Hallowicked's newest partner, Frightmare, in matching menacing black mask and strategically-shredded T-shirt, is a kind of hyperactive, cruiserweight 'Wicked-in-Miniature. He's equally excitable and exciting to watch. He hits a standing moonsault into a double-knee drop, and looks to have their match won.
Delirious, however, steps in to hit The Praying Mantis Bomb on Frightmare, while Ultramantis Black rolls over to pin him. Delirious displays the ultimate in Neo-Solar servitude here: he's mastered his Master's finisher, but he still gives the glory of the pin-fall to Mantis himself.
Backstage: Donst cuts a gloating promo (apparently before his loss to Uno), reveling in having effectively exiled longtime roster member (and mythical creature) Hydra in a Loser-Leaves-Chikara Match the night before.
Quackenbush accosts Donst, asking him how it is that a highly classified submission move (The Inverted Chikara Special) he taught to him exclusively miraculously wound up in Carpenter Ant's arsenal, allowing him to win the Cibernetico Tournament.
"Don't you know? He's from the future!" Donst scoffs. Quackenbush, clearly frustrated, rears back and lays him out with a slap. "Teach that one to Carpenter Ant," he says.
Team FIST (Icarus & Chuck Taylor) Defeat Mike Quackenbush & Jorge "Skayde" Rivera by Submission: Relentlessly resourceful in their pinfall and submission attempts, it's a pleasure to watch Quackenbush and Rivera wrestle.
Starting out the match against Chuck Taylor, Quackenbush executes a trifecta of crisp take-downs, never releasing hold of Taylor's arm until a final springboard arm-drag sends him sliding outside the ring. It's a sequence that, however brief, makes all kinds of elegant, understated sense, and a reminder that great wrestling often resembles a graceful demonstration of self-defense.
The FIST faction, however, is only one point away from its own title shot, and they're determined to get it. They zero in on Rivera's leg early on, weakening it with "Knee-D-T"'s and various submission holds. In the end, Rivera taps out to Taylor's half-crab, cinched in on the targeted knee. Whoever wins the main event will have two teams already nipping at their heels in the coming year.
As Taylor & Icarus leave the ring, Quackenbush extends a hand to ring legend Rivera, who receives another ovation from the Philadelphia crowd.
Player Dos Defeats Lince Dorado by Pinfall To Retain the Lion's Cup Title: Dos (the high-flying half of The Super Smash Brothers team with Uno) and The Golden Lynx start out by trading crafty pin attempts, before the action escalates to spectacular acrobatics. After a dazzling high-spot (a twisting plancha from Dos, an Asai Moonsault tease into a front flip from Dorado), each has the uncanny ability to land on their feet outside the ring. You'd think they were a video-game character, or perhaps some sort of cat.
In the decisive moment of the match, Player Dos German Suplexes Lince from the ring apron. The potentially scary spot sees Dorado tumble over the ring steps. Dos doesn't settle for the countout victory; instead, he drags Dorado into the ring and hits a high frog splash for the pinfall.
Lince's fellow "Future is Now" teammates Jigsaw, Jimmy Olsen, & Helios all show up in street-clothes, and attend to Dorado. They seem suspicious of the "steps" (terrible pun intended) Dos took to win.
Backstage: Kingston talks about his upcoming "Respect" Match with Castagnoli. He states the terms: if he loses, he has to say he Respects Claudio. "When" Castagnoli loses, he'll have to admit he Respects Kingston, an obligation Eddie is sure will "eat him up inside." Kingston insists that, whatever the match's outcome, he "knows" who Claudio truly is, even if no one else does.
A very good promo that builds anticipation for the imminent match by letting us know how much Kingston himself is looking forward to it. It doesn't see him forfeit his heel role just yet, but he plants the seed that there may be more shades to their feud than we know. He's still a fairly nasty and defiant anti-hero here, and whether we want to believe his claims about Castagnoli's true nature is up to us.
Claudio Castagnoli Defeats Eddie Kingston by Pinfall in a "Respect Match": An incredibly memorable match between two of Chikara's pre-eminent heavyweights. The terms of this match are that whoever loses has to publicly admit he Respects the man who beat him.
At the opening bell, Castagnoli barrels into Kingston with a bicycle kick, followed by a Ricola Bomb and an immediate near-fall. Kingston counters with a wild backfist, and the match rarely really lets up after that.
Commentator Bryce Remsburg mentions Castagnoli's peerless conditioning and frighteningly well-defined physique, comparing it to the heart and fighting spirit in Eddie Kingston that you can't externally "see."
"So he's got a muscular heart, is what you're saying," UltraMantis expertly concludes.
My own faint ticker, meanwhile, could scarcely take the intensity of this match! The Strong Style-tone (there are stiff strikes and suplexes aplenty) that asserts itself throughout is almost unsettling--one often tends to worry about the welfare of the wrestlers as much as anything else. While I much prefer the illusion of full contact to the actual article, there is undoubtedly much more of that here than met my untrained eye.
In any case, Castagnoli and Kingston work very hard to make us remember their in-ring story, and they certainly succeed in that regard. We're also left wondering whether the match is bringing out the more ruthless, opportunistic side of Castagnoli that is his more "true self", or whether Claudio's only retaliating to keep up with Kingston.
The Strong Style story is also not without its subtleties, as each has scouted his rival well: Kingston blocks one of Claudio's signature uppercuts, and converts it into a belly-to-belly overhead suplex; Castagnoli, meanwhile, attacks Eddie with his own Shotgun Lariat.
Claudio Castagnoli can pretty much redefine what one can reasonably expect from a Wrestling Big Man over the course of one match. He pulls off a top rope drop kick and elbow drop with eerie effortlessness.
He displays a kind of predatory desperation here: Castagnoli wants to win this match, and the Respect he believes is his due, as quickly as possible, as he likely knows Kingston won't stay down for long.
The match's turning point--and a telling moment for Claudio's character--comes as the two trade blows outside the ring. In a moment of exasperation, Castagnoli suddenly grabs hold of a ring crew member and hurls him at Kingston. It gives Claudio the advantage, which Kingston never fully reclaims.
Back inside the ring, Kingston displays shocking resilience, kicking out of a series of enormous moves. The previously anti-Kingston crowd begins to chant "Eddie! Eddie!". Claudio at last hits a bicycle knee strike, followed by a discus European Uppercut, to pin Kingston.
After the match: Castagnoli celebrates briefly, then immediately gestures for a microphone to be forced into Kingston's hand. Kingston, exhausted, still refuses to "Respect" Castagnoli, insisting that he pushed and tested Claudio as no one ever has. The crowd begins to boo. He calls them sheep for buying into Claudio's schtick. The crowd begins to "baaa".
Kingston doesn't respect Castagnoli and claims no one else should. He likens Castagnoli to a former tag team partner, calling Claudio both "shady" and "dirty". We can only assume Eddie's not referring to Castagnoli's hygiene, which is no doubt impeccable.
As Castagnoli goes to grab his shoulder, Kingston unleashes one last backfist. He points at Claudio, saying "I know you", as he makes his way out. Castagnoli gets to his feet, furious, and pursues him backstage.
The Colony (Fire Ant & Soldier Ant) Defeat The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian), Two Falls to One, to Retain the Campeonatos De Parejas: An excellent main event, featuring two very distinctive and cohesive tag teams. For those fans lamenting the current state of tag team wrestling, Chikara is here to address your concerns. Loads of signature double-team moves from both the Ants and the O.P., proving that pro wrestling, at its best, can be as much about collaboration as conflict.
The Portal take the first fall as Amasis hits his "Egyptian Conniption"(The Pharaoh's funky take on the Razor's Edge) on Fire Ant. Soldier Ant wins the second fall when he cinches the Chikara Special submission on Ophidian. On the Osirian Portal's third attempt at their picturesque Osirian Sacrament finisher (simultaneous Body Splash/Guillotine Leg Drop on an opponent from opposite turnbuckles), the Ants intercept them. They hit second rope "Super" versions of their own finishers (a T.K.O. From Soldier Ant on Amasis, a Beach Break from Fire Ant on Ophidian), for a striking visual and the decisive victory.
After The Match: As all four competitors lie in the ring, totally spent, a burly, horned man in white shoulders his way through the crowd. He tosses the guardrail aside, accompanied by what appears to be the masked man who's been making threats as of late.
Inserting a microphone underneath his mask, he announces that he's tired of waiting for the war to begin. He wants "the victims" brought out. Most of the Chikara locker room empties and surrounds the ring. Mike Quackenbush and Claudio Castagnoli, the trainers at Chikara's wrestling school and acknowledged locker-room leaders, step through the ropes to face them.
UltraMantis is also in the ring, and is the first to speak. He tells them that he's tired of their messages and threats. "In fact," he says, "I don't even know who you are!"
The massive, horned man pulls off his veil to reveal...a beard and another mask. A bearded riddle wrapped in an enigma-- little but facial hair disclosed so far.
Mantis's spectral Stalker lifts off his mask to reveal...DDP? Wrong acronym (as this is an Invasion Angle that works!). It's Ares, Claudio Castagnoli's old partner from their Swiss Money Holding days.
Quackenbush turns to Castagnoli, who blasts him to the mat with a Swiss Uppercut. An enormous brawl ensues. Daizee Haze and Sara Del Ray make their way to the ring in streetclothes to join the fray, and there even appears to be some sort of in-fighting amongst the Ants.
When the considerable New Alhambra Arena dust clears, there are only seven wrestlers standing: Ares, Castagnoli, the bearded enforcer, Haze, Del Ray, Carpenter Ant, and Vokoder. Ares assesses his troops, who stand in V-formation, with satisfaction.
Carpenter Ants takes off his antennae, and we see--disgruntled luchador Pinkie Sanchez. Vokoder removes his spandex face-plate, and we're reintroduced to none other than Tim Donst. The two of them laugh like loons.
Ares takes his place at the front of the formation; with military precision, the seven of them form their forearms into the symbol of a cross. Ares turns to his massive associate and nods; the bearded man produces an antennaed device, which he appears to activate. The arena goes dark, and the credits roll.
Epilogue: Leonard Chikarason is walking down the halls of the Chikara offices, talking on a cell phone. Seeing the Smart Mark cameras, he tells them that this isn't the best time. As he tries to turn the knob on his office door, he finds it's locked. The door opens, and a scruffy young man (ominously outfitted in a white suit) steps out to confront him. Chikarason recognizes him as "Dieter" a Wrestle Factory student.
He asks Dieter what he's doing in his office. Dieter replies that it isn't Leonard's office anymore, and that, in any case, he's late for his "semi-annual performance review." Chikarason wanders off in an overwhelmed daze, muttering that this must be some kind of mistake...
Quick Notes, Final Thoughts, & Observational Jibber-Jabber: This dvd set is highly recommended, and makes for a fine primer for Chikara's ninth season, set to begin where its last one left off, in Philadelphia, at the end of January.
--The rotating commentating team for this show includes Bryce Remsburg, UltraMantis Black, Louden Noxious, Leonard Chikarason, Eddie Kingston, and Jimmy Olsen. Remsburg and Chikarason, in particular, do an admirable job of establishing context and "setting the stage" for each match, as it were.
--In the case of the Hallowicked-Delirious-UltraMantis saga, there are so many Degrees of Separation that one suspects an Unholy Alliance with Kevin Bacon may in fact be at the root of it all; Remsburg's pretty much a Chikara historian, however, and loses little time in bringing the viewer up to speed.
--UltraMantis, meanwhile, does his species more than proud, and proves that mutant insect cult leaders are indeed the next logical stage in the evolution of the heel commentator.
--As Claudio Castagnoli pulled off a gut-wrench suplex from his knees, I indeed wondered whether a lawsuit against SmartMarkVideo might be feasible. The charge: Metaphysical Hernia Re-Aggravation.
--As with its Tag Team points system, Chikara has a commendable knack for keeping the focus on wrestling accomplishment and craft.
--In the case of "Who-Stole-The-Chikara-Special", the latest in grappling technology is treated the way Top Secret Intelligence might be in a spy thriller, as some enchanted weapon would be in a comic book.
--This isn't to say Chikara doesn't boast its own collection of enchanted weapons. For instance, the Temple and BDK both covet an ancient brain-washing artifact called the "Eye of Tyr" (which is what allowed UltraMantis to lay the mesmeric whammy down on Delirious). By Odin's hoary beard, I defy Don West to obtain that Norse Accessory for one of his Insane Daily Deals--for which I'm sure HHH would pay a pretty penny.
--Pro Wrestling and Comics have indeed been linked in the past, in other promotions, but often in a cynical manner that somehow manages to belittle both art forms. Chikara, to its credit, is very serious about incorporating the wealth of worthy traits that both bring to the story-telling table.
--From its dvd covers--Three-Fisted features the foreboding cartoon of a grotesquely Hulked-Up Claudio Castagnoli--to its narrative tone and colorful character array, Chikara has married the two to create a unique, uniquely appealing formula.
--It's perhaps Chikara's dedication to a comic book sensibility that allows it to swing back and forth from trademark trippy comedy to compelling drama with the facility that, say, the cobra-headed Ophidian slithers through the ropes to complete one of his "Serpentine" Topes.
--Chikara's wonderfully absurdist, kayfabe-obliterating humor is more or less kept to the undercard on this outing--pretty much to the first match, as a matter of fact. It's always welcome, however; one of the things that's so charming about Chikara is how its cast--heroes and villains alike, will participate in a skit--say, centering around an Invisible Baseball--for as long as its comedy idea lasts.
--At such moments, Chikara hilariously "Crosses The Line", as it were, hastily scribbling in new rules that are themselves only temporary. After the shared delusion dissipates, it's back to the regularly scheduled wrestling, to which the athletes are equally committed.
--In the end, however, it all amounts to no less than a celebration of what's possible in a pro wrestling ring. In the case of the Throwbacks-based comedy, it's a celebration of the whole wide World of Sport as well.
--The final in-ring images of Three Fisted Tales truly feel like the closing panels and full pages of some particularly well-told comic book yarn, as the splayed, (so far seven) fingers of the Bruderschaft Des Kreuzes curl together into one mutant hand. As was the practice with those vintage page-turners, Chikara has revealed enough to ensure you've received "your money's worth," as it were, but has you equally hooked on what its next chapter holds.
--The BDK has emerged as a Third Political Party militantly separate from the established Tecnico (Heroes) and Rudo (Villains) factions. How the more traditional Good and Bad Guys will adapt to this strange, menacing new entity in their midst is endlessly intriguing, and the stuff of which epic comic book Tales are made. You know Chikara's clicking on more cylinders than you can shake three fists at when you're marveling at the latest story turn, but already beginning to buzz about how it will all dramatically ripple through a diverse roster.
--It's a cast that offers everyone from ancient (and immigrant) gods to highly adaptive arthropods a shot at wrestling greatness. It's not often that one feels the urge to pursue degrees in folklore, entomology and linguistics merely to inform their wrestling fan-dom; then again, Chikara's a promotion that not only reminds fans why they love pro wrestling in the first place, but offers them a veritable grab-bag of fresh reasons for their trouble.
--I'm more interested in seeing what the year holds for plucky up-and-comers like Player Uno and The Green Ant than any of the sound, fury, and money signifying nothing that passes for pro wrestling programming these days. Other queries include:
--How will Crossbones react to having essentially been demoted to banner-waving "Lodi" status in his Neo-Solar Flock?
--Who will the mighty Haze and Del Ray face this year? Will we see a continued expansion of their women's division? Haze and Del Ray's inclusion in a central storyline ensures, at the very least, that two of my favorite wrestlers-- female or otherwise-- will see a fair amount of Chikara action this year.
--How does the BDK keep their whites so infernally bright? The "D" does not appear to stand for Detergent, as I'd once so naively theorized.
--The Chikara folks really are working their masks off--quite literally, if need be--to innovate and entertain. The orchestrated chaos that erupts at the program's climax actually amounts to one heck of a team effort--including by those not technically on the card.
Much more than anything airing on Mondays or Thursdays, after watching Three-Fisted Tales, I'm excited to see what Chikara's got up its assortment of sleeves in 2010.
Learn more about the Chikara wrestling promotion at www.chikarapro.com. Character-written blogs and YouTube vignettes abound, dotting the narrative i's and crossing the storytelling t's--often in multiple languages. Chikara dvds are available at www.SmartMarkVideo.com.
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